Once again, having suffered from a lack of sleep every single night this week, I find myself in front of the computer, feeling the need to free-associate. Not sure what will come of this, but sometimes it is cathartic for me, anyway.
Lately, I have been having ongoing feelings of the transient nature of our lives on earth, and of this mortal existence. (Losing your father will bring that to the forefront, I guess). Do you ever find yourself thinking about your current situation and just wondering how it all came to be? Does the first gray hair in the mirroror the first wrinkle around your eyes make you think twice about your life's direction? Do you ever feel a sense of dread, despair, hopelessness, anxiety, or unease regarding life in general? I think I've had that sense ever since I turned 30 or so.
How much of a difference have we made in our lives? If we were to be gone tomorrow, would the world be any different for our having lived? Have you made a difference to those around you? If not, why not? Ralph Waldo Emerson is purported to have said this,
" To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded. "
Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882) American Essayist & Poet
Why then, if what Mr. Emerson says is true, do we constantly compare OUR lives to those of others around us, and feel somehow less? I suppose it is human nature to feel that others have been more successful, better contributors to society, or have simply led more INTERESTING lives. If we are living supposedly boring lives, what could we possibly contribute? It is the rare one among us who will invent a new technology that will change the world, and few of us will have the chance to do something heroic that will be long-remembered. Heroic acts, in and of themselves, are actually quite commonly forgotten within the lifetime of the hero. What really constitutes heroism?
I was reading the other day about Vu Pham, an Ontario Provincial Police officer who was killed after stopping a pickup truck on a rural road. The reason for his shooting remains unclear, as the 70 year-old suspect died of wounds sustained later in the day in another gun battle. Pham was eulogized and honored by thousands of fellow officers who filled a hockey arena for his funeral on March 17, 2010. His three young sons were in attendance, and their tribute to him reflected what may be our best opportunity to be heroes. Pham's adoptive brother Mike Thompson perhaps summed it up the best when he said, "He may have died a hero to you, but he lived a hero to me."
The speakers at the funeral certainly mentioned Pham's devotion to his country and career, but what they really dwelt on was his devotion to family and friends. Is it possible that this was what truly qualified him as a hero? If so, do we not all have the same opportunity? If you were to be gone tomorrow, who will have "breathed easier" for your having lived? This, I think, is the question I need to ask myself daily.
For those of you who knew my father, you can appreciate the huge impact he had on the lives of those around him. He was born into a large Mormon family, and grew up in an agricultural background. He served honorably in the U.S. Naval Air Corp during WWII. He married his childhood sweetheart, and together they had 12 ( yes 12!!) children. He had several careers, none of which made him rich. He and his wife Nancy lived in the same home they built as a young married couple for their entire married life. He served as mayor in his town, he was a member of the Lion's club, and an active member of his church. He was active in the scouting program his whole life, and served as scoutmaster for more than 20 years. He never graduated from college. It is highly unlikely that his name was well known outside of the confines of Cache Valley. As the world would judge success, he was just average. How would you judge him? At some future date I will post the tribute of him which I wrote several years before his death. Perhaps that will more adequately explain the true nature of his heroism, for unless you KNEW him, it may not have been evident. Does this, then, make him any less of a hero? Does it make him any less of a "success?".
What about yourself? Does it really matter what we earn, or what size home we have? When was the last time you smiled BECAUSE you had a job? When was the last time you smiled at the cashier at the fast food restaurant? When was the last time you were appreciative of your server at a restaurant? They would have helped you whether you were appreciative or not- it is their job, right? Have we "won the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children?" Have we kept our word? Have we hauled our sorry butts off the couch and away from the TV to play on the trampoline with our kids? Have we committed a "random act of kindness"? I'd like to think that maybe this is something we can consider tomorrow morning, and the next day, and the day after that. Life continues at the same pace regardless of our action or inaction.
Since Dad's passing, I've spoken to countless friends and acquaintances about it... I suppose it is therapeutic for me to do so. This week I was on a farm call to the home of a woman whose husband died in his sleep at 57 years old last week. Dad died suddenly at 87 1/2 years old. Nearly every week I see an obituary for someone who is younger than me. My point is, you never know when you are going to go. I know that intellectually we all understand that, but, if so, why don't we LIVE it? I think the biggest comfort to me in Dad's passing is the surety that he had NO unfinished business. He didn't have to call up a long-alienated acquaintance to try to patch things up, he didn't have to have an urgent conversation with his clergyman. If you were told you had 2-3 days to live, could you say the same?
I think the thing that bothers me about this is, if we KNOW truths, why don't we allow that knowledge to affect the way we live our lives? There might NOT be another opportunity to jump on that trampoline! I believe that in the end, our success should be measured by HOW we spent our time, not WHAT we acquired. Nadine Stair said, "If I had my life to live over I would pick more daisies". Would you?
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